By: Adv. Vinayak (Mama) D. Porob
There comes a moment in life when you learn a truth that no book can teach you and no advice can prepare you for; not everyone who stands beside you truly belongs to you. Some people are attracted to your success, some to your money, some to your influence and some simply to the usefulness of your presence in their lives. As long as you are able to help or provide they remain close. But when life takes away your wealth, your position or your power many of those familiar faces quietly disappear and the silence that follows can be more painful than the loss itself.
When everything is going well it is easy to believe that you are surrounded by genuine friends. People call you, they invite you, they praise you and seek your company. Your opinion matters, your presence is noticed, your absence is questioned and you begin to believe that these people are attached to you because of the person you are. But difficult times have a way of removing illusions. Suddenly you realise that some people were not emotionally connected to you at all but they were connected to the advantages that came with you.
The hardest part is not when they leave. The hardest part is when they change. The person who once spoke to you with affection may suddenly speak with arrogance. The person who once respected your opinion may begin to ridicule you. The person who once sought your help may now laugh at your helplessness. Your failures become conversation, your financial struggles become amusement, your weaknesses become weapons in the hands of people you once trusted and nothing hurts quite like being wounded by people who once knew where you were most vulnerable.
There is a special kind of cruelty in making fun of someone who is already struggling. A person’s difficult circumstances should never become another person’s entertainment. Yet unfortunately this has become increasingly common in the world around us. People are often quick to laugh at another person’s weakness but slow to understand the pain behind it. They see the brokenness but not the battle. They see the failure but not the effort. They see the present situation but know nothing about the journey that brought the person there.
This is sadly part of the nature of human beings in the present world. Not everyone thinks with compassion, not everyone understands loyalty and not everyone knows how to remain when there is nothing to gain. Many relationships are silently governed by self-interest. People choose company according to convenience status and benefit and that is why we must learn an important lesson in life that we should not merely choose people who like us but we must choose people who respect us, understand us and remain with us even when we have nothing to offer.
Money can attract people but it cannot reveal their hearts. Power can bring respect but it cannot tell you whether that respect is genuine. Position can surround you with people but it cannot guarantee that any of them will stay when the position disappears. Sometimes losing everything becomes the only way of discovering who was real.
There are moments when you may sit alone and wonder why the people who once needed you so desperately have suddenly forgotten you. You may look at your phone and notice the silence. You may remember the days when people waited eagerly to meet you and compare them with the days when nobody seems to notice your absence. It can make you question your own worth, But never confuse someone’s inability to value you with your lack of value. People may stop calling because you can no longer serve their interests but that certainly does not mean that you have become less important as a human being.
Sometimes loneliness is not evidence that you have failed but it is evidence that you have finally discovered the truth. A smaller circle of genuine people is far more valuable than a large crowd gathered around your success. One person who remains during your darkest hour is worth more than a hundred who appear only when you are celebrating.
Therefore choose your people carefully. Do not give everyone access to your heart simply because they smile at you. Do not mistake constant attention for genuine affection. Do not confuse praise with respect. Watch how people behave when you are unable to help them. Watch whether they protect your dignity when you are vulnerable. Their behaviour during your difficult days will tell you far more about their character than their words during your successful days.
When you discover who is genuine hold those people close, appreciate them, do not take their presence for granted. Life is too uncertain to postpone gratitude. The person who stands beside you when you are struggling gives you something money can never purchase. That person gives you the assurance that your worth exists beyond your possessions.
At the same time never allow the betrayal of others to make you lose your own humanity. If someone laughed at your weakness, do not laugh at someone else’s. If someone abandoned you during your difficult days, do not become the person who abandons another. Let your pain teach you compassion and not cruelty.
One day money will disappear, power will change hands, positions will be forgotten and influence will fade. The crowd that once surrounded you will move on to someone else. What will remain is your character and the people whose lives you touched with kindness.
So choose carefully whom you allow to walk beside you. Choose people who can sit with you in silence. Choose people who can stand with you in difficulty. Choose people who can correct you without humiliating you and love you without calculating what they can receive from you.
Because when life takes away everything that makes you useful to the world you deserve to have people who still see something priceless in you. They should still see the human being beneath it all.
Success may introduce you to many people but adversity reveals who truly belongs in your life.
